It’s Tuesday! I hope you had a great start to your week! For me, this week welcomes some much needed time away, and I look forward to sharing all those travel details soon! But with travel comes some bittersweet experiences that I am still working through. As a part of a community of life-long grieving angel moms (none of us ever wanted to belong to!), one word we know well is trigger. It’s a term we use to identify something that suddenly brings us back to those moments in the early stages of our loss, or a feeling described as a punch in the stomach, reminding us of how much we lost and will never have again. And while I know I use the word recover, it isn’t recovery as much as it is a reintroduction. A reintroduction to the world in a new normal. One that I still try to figure out how to live in every day.
Summer fun has been both a blessing and a constant trigger. While I am using every ounce of my being ensuring I stay positive and active for my son, I have more than enough moments (that I rather not have) where triggers from the day bring on the tears. It can be a picture of a baby at the age my daughter would have been, or something I wish I could buy her, or somewhere I wish she could have experienced with us as a family. Yet somehow, I still get up and get dressed and make it work. Because I have to. (No!) Because I want to. I want to make the most of my life, because I know what it means to have life cut short; have it end without even having a chance to take a breath on this earth. Because she…and he would want me to. It’s me wanting to be a good mother, a strong woman, and a reflective and caring human that gets me up every morning. And I’m happy with that.
When I do get up and get dressed, I like to feel pretty. Pretty things that I would share with her. Ruffles are pretty. Off the shoulder is elegant. Having them both in a great flowing top like this grey one makes me feel pretty elegant! I purchased the top one size bigger than my usual size (by accident!), which made it nicely loose enough to belt it over a pair of denim shorts.
I am not usually a denim shorts kind of girl, so the fact that I wear them and feel good about myself is a miracle. Of course, the flowing shirt gives the look some shape while the shorts only peek through at the bottom. I do know that feeling beautiful and confident is an important part of the healing puzzle (post-baby body and loss all at the same time!), so putting the effort into trying something new is part of feeling that way.
Outfit :: Anthropologie ruffle top (on sale!)| J. Crew denim shorts | Vince Camuto slingback heels | J. Crew belt (similar here) | Ann Taylor pearl ring and infinity cuff | Clutch (old, love this textured style too!) | Loft sunglasses | Asos pearl back earrings (rhinestone style here!)
If you know someone who is going through a challenging time dealing with loss or other pregnancy difficulty, please direct them to First Candle, an organization that provides a wonderful source of comfort and information.
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